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 Prerequisite To Forgiveness 
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Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:37 am
Posts: 15
State/Province/Country: Texas
Found this nugget in the Twenty-Four Hours A Day Meditation Book and thought I'd share it:

    "I must overcome myself before I can truly forgive other people for injuries done to me. The self in me cannot forgive injuries. The very thought of wrongs means that my self is in the foreground. Since the self cannot forgive, I must overcome my selfishness. I must cease trying to forgive those who fretted and wronged me. It is a mistake for me even to think about these injuries. I must aim at overcoming myself in my daily life and then I will find there is nothing in me that remembers injury, because the only thing injured, my selfishness, is gone." May 3


Wed May 03, 2017 10:59 am
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 3:06 pm
Posts: 936
Location: Charlottesville
State/Province/Country: Virginia
Thanks for sharing this Janice. It sounds somewhat similar to my experience. My sick ego wants to sit above others morally and bestow forgiveness down on them when it suits it. It never seemed to make any difference when I thought "I grant you forgiveness" to another person for how I thought they wronged me. When I struggled with resentment, I found that other approaches helped: praying for the other person, imagining myself in their position, practicing empathy, remembering that all of us are sick each in our own ways, cutting all ties in the few instances where that was necessary, and setting good boundaries in the other cases. I was plagued with resentment toward my parents for many years, despite trying over and over to forgive them. Today I feel no resentment toward them and haven't for several years. When I think about what changed, forgiveness is not what comes to mind. I think of acceptance, empathy, love, and good boundaries. Most especially acceptance.


Wed May 03, 2017 5:33 pm
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 4:59 pm
Posts: 649
Location: Colorado (Front Range Urban Corridor)
State/Province/Country: Colorado, USA
When I think of the situation of harms done to me, I work on it this way.
1. One of the first things that I noticed is that "this world and the people in it were often quite wrong." We have all experienced wrongs committed by others. Some of them have been hurtful, and even very damaging. There is no requirement for me to approve of other's (or my) behavior in order to let go of resentment.
2. Resentment is extremely harmful to me. My job is to let go of it, so that I can stop suffering. For me, forgiveness is not necessarily on the table. That's above my pay grade, so to speak. My job is to stop resenting, regardless of who is right or wrong. There are a variety of good ways to do this, as Janice and Scott mentioned.
3. It is helpful for me to see what my part of the situation was (sometimes the situation is almost all me, sometimes my part is almost nothing), so that I can see what aspects of my behavior need to be changed for me to live well. I need to know what's in my control and what's not. This is important, but it sometimes doesn't help ne with the resentment, especially if my part is not much.
4. I also look at my part in holding onto the resentment (this is different from #3). Maybe I'm holding onto it due to pride, or fear, or the false belief that people can always do what's right, or that I can act as a judge and decide what punishment bad people should get, etc. These attitudes have to be addressed.

Once these things are done, I can move into acceptance, tolerance and gratitude for my life, and stop making myself suffer just because other people hurt me.

_________________
You have to go the way the way your blood beats:
If you don't live the only life you have,
You won't live some other life,
You just won't live any life at all.

I was dan1 in a former life.

skype: dan939f
reddit: DansNewLife


Tue May 30, 2017 4:15 pm
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